I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
