if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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