don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
