you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
