I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
