I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
