I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
