I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
