Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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