What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
