Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
