After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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