Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
