Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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