I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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