I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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