He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
