I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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