you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
