I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
