Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
