his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
