we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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