i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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