Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
