Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
