You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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