i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
