I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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