Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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