I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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