woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
