I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
