it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
