I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
