Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
