final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
