like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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