I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
