What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
