so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
