I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
