My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
