His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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