At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
