Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
