i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
