Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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