I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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