i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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